Moving onto a cruising boat with your partner for the first time is a big departure from life ashore. You tend to be together all the time which can be a challenge. Plus, ashore you have a role in life at your job or business that gives you a sense of identity. That disappears when you head over the horizon and you have to adjust to the new roles.
So how do couples make the cruising life work and how do they divide their roles on the boat and make decisions? In our case, Rosie and I had very different levels of sailing skills before we set off on our circumnavigation so we determined that the first order of business was for her to do some serious sailing without me along. This helped her build the skills and confidence that would make our sailing partnership and the whole adventure safer and more fun.
While our route westabout through Panama and Suez was dictated by the seasons and our chosen destinations, Rosie took on the job of cruise director and planner while I was the sailing master and chief engineer. Rosie also became our communications director after mastering our single-side band radio for the morning radio scheds with our fellow cruisers. (That seems quaint now in the age of Starlink and satphones.)
I have to say that it took me, in particular, about three months to shed my old life as an executive for a large publishing company and start enjoying the slow pace and simplicity of the cruising life. Rosie and our two boys, Si and Tim, adapted to life afloat quickly and she would often chide me to “Just chill out, please.” Eventually, I did.
The boys did not stand night watches for the first couple of years so Rosie and I had to figure out what worked best for us. We decided we wanted fixed watches that would be set to best use our different diurnal cycles. She likes to go to bed early so I would take the first watch from 2100 to midnight, then she would come on til 0300 and I would take over until 0600. We’d both have a good nap duriing the day.
The four of us lived inside a 43-foot monohull for most of the five years we were away and together we made it work well. Even better, Si and Tim are still our best friends.
So how do other couples make it work? Helen Fretter with Yachting World interviewed a dozen or more cruising couples and has a thoughtful and interesting article on the subject in a recent issue.
